CONTENT EDIT SAMPLE 

 

For a novel of 52 chapters, over 100,000 words. This author requested me to also Overview his second novel.

 

The opening 13 chapters are the best, even though they need tightening and improvements. Here the plot is clear: stop virus, stop Dunbar, meet Penelope. I also address the following elements for the entire manuscript: concept, storyline, characters, voice, tone, dialogue, structure, timeline, pacing, verbs, how to improve. 

 

MOST COMPELLING — I encourage you to focus on the strongest parts of the story for this novel: (1) main plot (virus), (2) number one villain (Dunbar, an outstanding character and the most memorable), (3) build up Penelope (I see a stronger role for her, she is vivid, she stands out). All of this with your character Reilly (last names generally in crime fiction, first name in personal interactions). You’ve done a nice job of capturing Reilly’s voice and point of view (in general, technique needs tightening). He works. It is the writing technique that needs the most focus now. You’ve got a lot of plots and characters (after chapter 13). Now, I’d like to see you hone in on the early ones, because they really stand out. They grab the reader’s imagination and interest.  

 

STORY – I feel you have included more than one plot line in this novel. I recommend sticking to the main one and not to do subplots for this book (save the other plots for additional novels); better to be shorter and tight and strong start to finish, rather than wander off here and there, which minimizes the tension and goes off “story”.  

 

STRENGTHS – Verbs past tense - character voice - sense of humor – some of the dialogue (though needs tightening). 

 

SUGGESTED IMPROVEMENTS – More succinct – sprinkle backstory (character bio) - more active verbs and sentence structures - pacing for action, tension, suspense - chapter breaks, where to end and begin - condense timelines – and per the following notes.    

 

Basically: a really good effort, a good start. Plot mostly invisible after chapter 13. Too much going on. Feels scattered (going in all directions) I feel it needs focus (one plot, one villain, one chief, one case, one love interest in development, hot on the trail, to end). As is, all the extraneous goings on feels like “padding.” You don’t need it. I strongly recommend going tighter. I suggest you hone the opening 13 chapters, then all directly related mystery elements (and remove the other sub-stories, which dilute the whole book; save them for other novels).  

 

CHAPTERS 1 and 2 — This is Prologue (pre-story). I did some editing on this to get you started. A prologue is the precursor to the main story, which immediately follows. Not bunch up backstory all in one place (especially not at the beginning of a book).

• For now, only action. Be crisp. Grab interest. All notes from here forward, apply to the entire manuscript. Active verbs (direct sentence structures): Mrs. Clephorn droned on about…

• Spell numbers (see Chicago Manual of Style).

• Setting: Convey with concise nouns/adjectives, e.g., : our eighth-grade final exam.

• Opening (start with action and movement; for a mystery, threat and intrigue): I'm going to commit a horrible crime.

• Ending (cliffhanger, intrigue): Maybe that's why I eventually became a cop. (not elaborate, just what is, succinct is more dramatic).

• Minute-to-minute play not needed on minor situations, only with critical plot moment, when danger threatens) (not: 23 minutes to go, etc.).

• Backstory: not bunch up all in one place, anywhere in the book, certainly not at beginning. Jump into action. (Piecemeal character bio throughout book, many notes regarding this, here and in complimentary edit) (if not relevant to immediate scene, leave out; use details later, pieced where needed).

• Name: Don’t need to mention Betsy by name (no role as story proceeds, minor character). (not really need to mention Betsy at all, for scene to work; I’d leave her out).

• Paragraph whenever change in: speaker, action, time changes.

• WORDS: not “and then”   just “then”

• Tighten: all through, see edit samples.

• Story present: stay in the story for sense of immediacy (not leave to “tell” us about the character’s past). Show through events (action, dialogue), not in narrative (author telling us).

• EXAMPLE how to reveal character backstory as needed: Russian independence from my mom

• NICE PHRASE (reveals character): being a cop would allow me to feel I was protecting people, which to me seemed quite an honorable thing.

• FORMAT: paragraph tabs (not character spaces), new chapter new page (use centering key), page number top right like this (Armageddon Virus / YourLastName    #)

• GOOD: past tense, you at least tried to use paragraph tabs (and you didn’t do block paragraphs with spaces which is not manuscript format)

 

CHAPTER 3 – This is first chapter (what is happening in story present).